Heimertz Takes the Field
General Information


Original airdate

Never aired

Written by

Drew Scott and Matthew Jent

Heimertz Takes the field was going to be an episode of the first season


(Scene opens up at Nod's Limbs Stadium at night. Scrawny Quarterback (Player 1) for Nod's Limbs team, heans out, waiting for the ball to be snapped at him. He wears a uniform with a silly beekeeper logo on the helmet.)

Player 1: Hut hut...Hike! (He catches the snapped ball. Immediately an opposing lineman falls on him from above like a two-ton anvil.)

Announcer: Only a twelve yard loss that time for our Nod's Limbs beekeepers!. Makin' progress, lads! (The crowd applauds politely) (In the press box, The announcer, upbeat despite the painful play, leans over his MIC.)

Announcer: And let’s give our friendly opponents a dose of our famous good sportsmanship!

Beneath the bleachers - Edgar and Ellen stand beside a small air conpressor, trailing a hose into the bleachers above them.)

Edgar: Forty-two to nothing! Another trouncing for our hometown. It’s almost like they enjoy losing! Ellen: If I hear that “Win or Lose” chant one more time, I’m going to shriek! Crowd: (chanting) It’s not whether you win; It’s how you lose ag’in!

Ellen: (Shriek!)

(The hose twitches, Edgar looks up and grins)

Edgar: At least football is good cover for our pranks! Having so many rubes in one place gives us lots of targets to choose from.

(In the stands, a fan in a goofy ear-flap hat, notices with surprise a box of popcorn next to him. He picks it up, the HOSE trailing from it down below the bleachers. He lickes his lips, under the bleachers, Edgar switches the compressor ON. It makes a blowing noise, and a ball of air pushes up through the hose.)

Edgar: Let’s give that corn a little more pop, shall we?

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